And now I am going to be a Step Mom!

As a little girl growing up you imagine your life as a wife and a mother in your perfect home with your perfect husband and your 2.5 children. You dream about your Disney Fairytale and all the possibilities. 

What those dreams and fairytales don't prepare you for is the fact that we live in a broken world and many times have to trek through murky waters that God never intended for this world.  He never planned for broken marriages, children separated from their parents and families torn apart. A Stepparent is not something God intended for. It is a role that was never meant to be. 

All of a sudden you are expected to turn on maternal or paternal instincts at a drop of a hat and love this child like your own. When it doesn't come naturally you are looked down upon and judged for not having the skills or being selfish because you hesitate. That is just downright unfair. 

I am blessed to have found a man who loves me, leads me and believes in me. He is an amazing man who loves God more than anything. He has had to walk through some heavy storms but has come out on the other side more in love with God than ever before. At the age of 26 he was divorced and had a 2 year old daughter who lived 800 miles away. Talk about living in a situation that God never intended for. No one should be asked to walk through that storm and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. 

His daughter is 6 now and came to visit him for two weeks. I have met her once before but this was going to be a whole new experience. I have to admit I didn't go into the two weeks with a perfect attitude, all I could think was "I am literally not going to have one moment alone with my boyfriend." Selfish? yes, and that was something I had to pray about and work through.  

I am now on the other side of the two weeks and I have to say it went very well but what most people didn't see was the internal struggle I was dealing with everyday. I would go from having amazing connections to lack of patience. Some days were flawless and some days I just wanted to be a 25 year old women with no parental responsibilities. 

Every time there was a moment that wasn't done perfectly I felt like a failure. The only

thing I had to pull from was my 10+ years of babysitting. However at the end of 3-4 hours I don't get to hand the child back to their parent. I did get to go home at night and work during the day and that helped a ton in clearing my head and getting ready for the next round of messes, showers, meals, and entertaining. At the same time kisses, hugs, smiles, laughter, and love came with those not so fun parts.

I finally took some time and talked with my mom and step dad and learned that it is okay to not have immediate maternal love and feelings towards this little girl. That I can't be expected to turn it on over night. Being a step parent wasn't in God's plan for his children. There isn't anything in the Bible on step parenting. But there are lessons about love, patience, kindness and sacrifice. Learning to be a parent to a child that isn't your own is harder than it looks but it is also very rewarding when they look up to you with their precious faces and tell you how much they love you and that you are going to be their "step mommy" one day. These past two weeks have been a learning experience and incredibly rewarding. I am glad I struggled because it gave me a new appreciation for my Step Dad. I now realize how hard it is to find your place in a preexisting family. I honestly couldn't have gone though this life lesson with out my boyfriend. He cheered me on and encouraged me from day one. He constantly reminded me that I was doing a great job and that we all struggle and make mistakes but at the end of the day our children still love us.

I love you Adaley Elisabeth and I can't wait to be your Step Mommy one day!

The Power of His Unfailing Love

Music is a very powerful influence in my life. So many times it has helped me bring clarity to a problem or an emotion I was feeling.  "Music is what feelings sound like." Besides bringing clarity to my thoughts it has the power to change my mood in an instance; both secular and nonsecular music.

Earlier this week I was listening to Francesca Batistelli's  Worth It. You can listen to it and view the Lyrics posted below:

Love's not a feeling
Love's not convenient
But I know love will change your life
Love takes sacrifice
Love cuts like a knife
Sometimes love will make you cry
Love's not easy
But it's worth it

Love is a hunger
But love won't leave you empty
See it's the language of the heart
Love can steal your pride
But love won't let you hide
It takes everything you've got
Love's not easy
But it's worth it

What you gonna do when the bottom falls out
And you're left with nothing but your fear and your doubt to hold to
Who will hold you?
Where you gonna run when it's all on the line
And you're looking for someone to save your life
To save your life

Love can hear you
Love can heal you
If you let it inside
Oh, remember now
Love's not easy
But it's worth it

This song got me thinking. In 1 John 4:8 it states "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." So if God is love, could we not change the lyrics in this song to:

Following God is not a feeling
Following God is not convenient
But I know God will change your life
Following God takes sacrifice
Love cuts like a knife
Sometimes following God will make you cry
Following God is not easy
But it's worth it

Following God is a hunger
But God won't leave you empty
See He’s the language of the heart
God can steal your pride
But God won't let you hide
It takes everything you've got
Following God is not easy
But it's worth it

What you gonna do when the bottom falls out
And you're left with nothing but your fear and your doubt to hold to
Who will hold you?
Where you gonna run when it's all on the line
And you're looking for someone to save your life
To save your life

God can hear you
God can heal you
If you let Him inside
Oh, remember now
Following God is not easy
But it's worth it

Now this song is already on a Christian Artist's Album, and I can't say for sure she meant this to be about God or a significant other, but by switching the lyrics to even more definitive terms it opened my eyes to the vastness of God's love for us. That following Him does take sacrifice but at the end of the day He is our only constant.

Back to Ukraine for Summer 2012!

Friends and Family,

I just want to start by thanking all of you for your prayers and support for my Ukraine Missions trip last summer. It has radically changed me and grown my passion for God's children. I am so much more independent and yet incredible dependent on God. Tears well up in my eyes as I think that there is even one person in this world who thinks they don't deserve God's love.

I am so excited to tell you all that after a lot of prayer God has laid it on my heart to go back to Ukraine this summer! July 31st - August 14th. God has really expanded my world view and my heart is just bursting. I have started studying Ukrainian in hopes that I can connect better with the students at our English camp.

I know times are financially very tough for everyone. All I ask is for everyone to be the prayer warriors that I know you are! The things you can pray for are:
1. Our Team as it is still being developed. That God will call those perfect for the team and that those people will follow His call.
2. Overall finances for our team.
3. Leadership for the team is still being developed
4. My heart and head. That my heart will continue to grow and my head will relax :)

I will still be sending support letters out in the coming months for those feeling called to give. God can do amazing things beyond our imagination all He asks is a little step of faith

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” – Phil 4:19

"Notice the above verse says “ALL.” It doesn’t say “some” or “most,” but it says that He will meet all of our needs. It doesn’t say how He will meet our needs and I have found from experience the way He does it is often not what I expected. But the bottom line is that God is faithful and He does what He promises."

In Christ's Love,
Katherine

Top 10 Memories and Lessons Learned from Ukraine Missions Trip 2011

Top 10 Memories

1. The Waterfall! We hiked up to a beautiful waterfall and had the opportunity to swim in it. It was amazing. Cold. But Amazing.
2. Walking around L'viv and experiencing the Culture. The first time we had the chance to walk around the Center in L'viv, I was so excited. Just taking in their culture and way of life totally excited me. I loved looking around and absorbing as much as possible.
3. Small Group. Although I had no idea what was going on because everything was spoken in Ukrainian, I definitely did not miss when one 15 year old had her "ah-ha" moment about God's love for her. I may not of understood what was coming out of her mouth but I did understand her heart.
4. Our second to last day in L'viv some of our Ukrainian friends took us around L'viv. It was so nice to hang out with every one. We may not of understood each other the whole time but we all had a blast.
5. My Team. The three beautiful women who went on the trip with me were amazing. We shared laughter, tears and unforgettable moments.
6. The Hidden Restaurant. There was a themed restaurant where you needed a password to get in. It was underground and incredible!
7. The Labyrinth. This was a spiritual maze we went through around camp. It gave you the opportunity to evaluate your walk with God.
8. Learning some Ukrainian. I loved learning this language and was surprised how fast I picked up on it.
9. Alla. Alla was one of the girls in my small group. Her intelligence, heart, and exuberant personality really touched me. It also helped that she was my own personal translator.
10. Realizing how big and amazing God is!

Lessons Learned
1. Our God is HUGE. I was absolutely in awe of how amazing our Father is. He separated us linguistically at the Tower of Babel and yet we can still come together and He becomes our universal language. He is our constant among nations and foreign tongues. It literally gave me goose bumps to sit in a circle and each taking a turn to pray, switching from Ukrainian to English. Here we are all from different places in the world coming together to pray to One God and He hears us despite the different languages. Another thing that got me was coming together for worship singing the SAME songs in different languages. You can’t even do that in the U.S.
2. It’s okay to be me. God created me to be organized, informed, and structured. It’s okay if I have trouble going with the flow and not knowing all the information. However, I need to trust Him when I start to struggle with it.
3. Sometimes I am the only one thinking a certain way and I have to learn that others may not be thinking that same way as me and that is okay. :) This also causes my brain to go off on a tangent and I tend to perceive something that may not be.
4. Trusting God with my emotions is the best laid plan.
5. Things aren’t “weird” they are just “different.” So eating a whole fish (scales included) for breakfast is not “weird” it is just “different.”

 

God Grant Me The Serenity

Goodness gracious it has been a long time since I have been on here. I must say that when life get's crazy you better be prepared to learn some lessons. A whirl wind of lessons and transitions is the only way to describe the last few months. Through all the craziness I have learned that God is on my side. There is something incredibly intimate about having God pick you up off your feet when you have no idea how to move forward and walk with you into the battle field granting you peace the entire way.

Being Parented by Your Boss

It has to be one of the most awkward things in life to be parented by your boss. When you work for your parents there needs to be a seperation when it comes to the work space. They can't just walk up to you and start speaking to you like a child. At this point in time you are their employee, not their child.

I was sitting at my desk working on entering data into the customer database. There was music in the background just like every other day, I went to turn it up a little and accidently turned it up too high. I immediately turned it back down to a reasonable level and turned around to find my boss/father ready to pounce. He started raising his voice about the inappropriateness of turning up the music while he was on the phone. (Bonus: everyone on his conferance call heard him reprimand his daughter/employee.)
It would be one thing if he spoked to me nicely but he got the Father voice and stance that makes you feel like your 5 again.

Only 1.5 more weeks til I am free! haha. October 18th can't come soon enough. I am so grateful for my new job.

"Plans For Us"

I have recently been asked to be apart of the Young Adult Ministry Leadership Team at my church. I am so blessed to be apart of this team. On Graduation day when I had to leave Eastern I was heart broken. As soon as I got in my car the first song that played was Jenny & Tyler's Plans for Us:

"tears in eyes because she wonders where her gift has gone

fears in sight because it seems that they will not return

we’re far from home and we can’t seem to find a decent reason

why the One we call our love would put us in this season

we can make believe like we are satisfied

we want to taste and see the plans You have for our little lives

plans for us to prosper, far away from harm

You will come and answer, when we pray to You our God

plans to give us hope a future in Your arms.

You’ll be found by us when we seek You with all our hearts

You gave this song

You give so much and we do not know why

trust in You is all we can do, trust that You’ll provide direction

these songs we sing seem vain because the waiting takes more time

patience give to us o Lord to wait until You guide

we can make believe like we are satisfied

we want to taste and see the plans You have for our little lives

chorus

we were angry with You; we were tired of you feeling so far away

shaking our fists at your face wondering where is the grace You promised, You said you’d pull us through

and i’m told it’s not your fault; You haven’t moved

but still i can’t find even a glimpse of you

we can make believe like we are satisfied

we want to taste and see the plans You have for our little lives"

I felt like I was leaving my gifts and passions at Eastern and it was devestating to feel that God's plan for you was left behind. When I was invited to be on this team it brought light back into my life. It made me feel apart of something and that I can make a difference. It is incrediablly rewarding do know you are living within God's plan for your life. When things like this happen you wonder why we didn't have a little more faith.

Jenny & Tyler
Fuel at Fellowship Alliance Chapel